Shining a Light on Our Seniors
“Stories of Strength Edition”.
In 1999 when Fred Rogers was inducted into the Television Academy Hall of Fame, he shared some advice his mother gave him when he was a young boy and witnessed some catastrophe in the movies or on the television news. She would say to him, “Always look for the helpers. There will always be helpers.” He added during his interview, “If you look for the helpers you’ll know that there’s hope.”
The demands of the past many months have tried us all. We are dealing with our own fears of illness, fears for our children and unending adjustments of our schedules. We are dealing with the stress and limitations that come from reducing our social interactions. Sadly, the senior population has suffered more than most. They are often bearing the brunt of the pandemic in terms of isolation due to health concerns. One local support system, the Senior Visitors Program of Mental Health American Fredericksburg, Virginia (MHAF) responded to the challenges and demands leveled on their senior clients by the pandemic with determination to continue in their mission to provide companionship to the 115 enrolled members. They are the helpers Mrs. Rogers spoke of to her son. They are providing hope.
As Laurie Black, acting program coordinator of the Senior Visitors Program at MHAF, put it:
“Working with seniors at this time is especially challenging. Both the COVID virus and the isolation necessary to protect seniors from getting COVID, can have devastating effects. The Senior Visitors Program had to make the difficult decision to suspend in-person, in-home visits. However, it is no surprise that our dedicated volunteers still find ways to stay connected and bring cheer to the seniors they visit.”
Steve, one local volunteer, got very serious about his own behaviors so he could ensure he protected his friend Chuck, 78 who lives in Fredericksburg. Steve runs errands for Chuck, who has a hard time getting around due to the pandemic and his personal mobility limitations.
“Our going out together opportunities diminished but I didn’t think about stopping. We just learned to adjust our interactions.” Steve switched their connections from the normal weekly calls and outings to routine front porch visits and even more frequent phone calls. Like many of the program’s volunteers, Steve has found a way to continue their relationship and still promote the healthiest of outcomes for his friend of 14 years.
And how’s the resulting experience, even with the adjustments? Well, in Chuck’s words:
“I feel gifted by his (Steve’s) efforts. He makes me feel safe and has reduces the loneliness of it all.”
“Steve,” says Chuck, “helps me set boundaries to wake me up to the dangers of this crisis. We have a trust born from a strong bond of many years. The relationship allows me to give a voice to the stress of it all and gets me out of my own head.”
As Ms. Black talks about the program’s volunteers and their response to the challenges of 2020, you can hear her pride and joy in the way the program has shifted since late March. The resilience and grit of those involved to move forward with their mission to support their vulnerable friends has literally created a lifeline for many in our community.
“One volunteer began writing a weekly newsletter which included photos of projects around his home. He delivered the newsletter to his senior’s porch.” They’d call and talk about the work being done and their senior friend offered their own inputs as to the projects and ways to work the effort.
Another volunteer helped celebrate her senior’s birthday by leaving flowers on her doorstep and singing happy birthday to her from the sidewalk. Who doesn’t enjoy being serenaded on their birthday? There are phone calls, zoom calls, window visits, socially distanced visits on the porch, etc. At times the technologies other generations take for granted are brand new to the seniors involved. Things like virtual chat rooms and Facetime calls may not even be on their scope before their volunteers tutor them through the process. One volunteer and her senior choose a movie to watch “together” each week and use the phone to talk about the movie.
When phone calls are not practical because of hearing issues, volunteers stay in contact through extended family members, using notes and cards, and drop offs of goodies and correspondence at client’s homes. Many volunteers make arrangements and drive by their senior friend’s houses at prearranged times just so they can wave to each other from the window. Any connection is important and reminds their clients they are not alone.
MHAF is always looking for more “helpers” to support the spirit and health of our local senior population. Without question our seniors are benefitting from the ingenuity, strength and dedication of area volunteers. Our volunteers give their clients hope. In times like these our community bonding together and giving each other hope is exactly what we need in the New Year.
To find out how to volunteer with the Senior Visitor’s Program or how to send a smile greeting yard sign to anyone you’d like to lift during the new year, visit the MHAF website at https://www.mhafred.org or call the office at (540) 371-2704.
14th Annual Walk for Mental Wellness
Join us May 1 for our annual walk to raise funds and awareness for mental health issues. We support the wide community with various programs from children to seniors, but we can’t do that without you.
This year we’ll have an in-person AND a virtual walk, so pick your comfort level. Though COVID guidelines dictate some changes to our day (ie no food, tables, or large gatherings), we will make sure you have fun while you are supporting our organization!
Please visit this page for more information and to sign up. Thanks!
Artists Supporting MHAF- Bill Harris
Our thanks to Bill Harris, artist at LibertyTown Arts Workshop, for his donations to MHAF. His art can be seen here and at LibertyTown. Thanks, Bill!
Telling Our Stories- Living in the Yellow Zone
We hope that telling our stories will help strengthen our community and give hope to others in similar situations. This anonymous reflection is one parent’s journey through their child’s mental health struggles.
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My family is coming up on the one year anniversary of a recent move we made. It’s been a tough change for our entire family but particularly for my husband and me. He and I never wanted to live where we are now. March 15th marks the one year attempt by our daughter to take her life. For the past 12 months we’ve been living in what I’ve come to refer to as “The Yellow Zone”.
We knew for a while our daughter was dealing with depression. We understood from the doctors that it wasn’t uncommon at her stage of life and they assured us with treatment and medication she should be fine. But there were things we didn’t know.
We didn’t know how hard it would be to keep her motivated to take her medicine. We didn’t know to listen to her when she said she didn’t like how it made her feel and we didn’t know we should have gone back to the doctors to work through other options. We didn’t know that adjusting the medication, changing the type she used and trying new ways to treat her illness is a very common thing in these situations; especially early on. We’d never lived in the yellow zone before and we didn’t know anyone we could talk to. We didn’t know how things worked here, and most people didn’t really know how to talk about life in the yellow zone.
We also underestimated the impact of the pandemic. Sure, we knew she was having a hard time with the changes. She spent hours in her room, working and studying and sometimes, unknown to us, spiraling with her illness. By the time we knew how weak she was feeling our sweet girl was being carried by an ambulance to the hospital. As parents, we moved into an abyss of fear and angst. Our child purposefully overdosed in order to end her life. We were evicted from our green zone of relative normalcy and slammed into the red zone of survival.
We lived in the red zone for what seemed like forever as we struggled to find our footing in the swirl of mental health options and restrictions. We grappled with insurance requirements, unavailable mental health providers, and limitations on our ability to get help. The first weeks were horrible and were compounded by the fact that our daughter was an adult. As an adult she didn’t need to share anything with us and at first she didn’t. After her hospital stay she went to an in-patient treatment facility. We travelled to her location to drop off items of comfort; her pillow, a blanket, a book and always her favorite fast food meal. But we couldn’t see her, touch her, hold her, and pull her into our arms and let her know she was the world to us. For the first time in her life we couldn’t help. In hindsight it was better that she struggled and found her footing on her own. “In hindsight” is something I say a lot now.
One year later, with the help of our own therapists, my husband and I live in the yellow zone. It isn’t comfortable but it is safer. We text with our daughter and struggle to overcome the impact of that terrible day. We are learning to forgive ourselves for the situation that led up to the day we moved. We’re learning that nothing we did caused her to do this act. We’re facing things we didn’t see, or catch, or listen to, and showing ourselves grace. We often feel anger, sadness and total despair but we’re learning to balance that with our fierce love, our hope and our determination to support our daughter’s safety.
These days, when things are at their best, we exist in a yellow/green zone. We do things we love to do as a family like walks, talks and big family dinners. We celebrate to support birthdays and holidays and happy times. Our daughter shares what’s happening at school, talks about her friends and the certain someone she’s dating. We laugh and she pokes and jokes with her brothers and sisters. We see how strong and how special she is, and we know how much the world needs her special talents. That’s when we are content, almost thrilled to be in the yellow-green zone. That’s when we can see the green zone clearly and remember how peaceful and calm it was to live there.
But to be clear, all it takes is one out of character text from our girl to send us reeling. When we sense her despair because of a bad grade, or a missed assignment my husband and I immediately move to the yellow/red zone. When we are there we are in a hyper state of vigilance. We look for any sign to confirm our daughter’s wellbeing and we have a constant sense of fear that we’re moving again, without our consent or control, back into the red zone. It’s hard not to panic. It’s hard not to drive to her dorm and sit outside her window and stare at it for signs of lights flickering on and off; to watch shadows through the curtains that might assure us she is okay inside. Sometimes when we text as we wait in the yellow/red zone, we stop breathing until we see the dots and symbols on the phone that tell us she is texting back. We know the red zone is close, dangerous and unsettling, and it plays to our darkest fears. My husband and I talk about the red zone with our own therapists now. With their help we’re trying to see into the shadowy murk that comes with the depression our daughter fights. We can’t see things clearly yet but we are getting a better sense of what a fighter she is.
I don’t know if we’ll ever move back to the green zone. That’s bearable as long as our daughter is safe. I’ve gained the courage now to know each zone has nooks and crannies I must explore to understand. With our therapy, the light is flickering to show us more so we can learn about the darkness we’d never understood before this move. We try and focus on the thankfulness we feel living in the yellow zone as opposed to one zone over. Even if we do have the good fortune to move back to the comfort of the green zone, I’ll never act unaware of this new place and the people in this neighborhood who’ve helped us keep our daughter safe.
We’ve lived here a year and it sometimes feels like forever. But as long as everyone stays strong, I’m content to call this home.
Supporting MHAF Through Art – Betsy Glassie
Betsy Glassie is an artist inspired by nature.
“Beauty in nature is my joy, and I love to seek it out and share it,” she said recently.
“The visual music of leaves in the wind; the flow of a river in its ever changing moods; dramatic light in a landscape; a sparkling field of wildflowers; every season in my garden and flowers posing in a vase,” these all spark Betsy’s imagination and bring her to her canvas.
Her interest began in her early teens, and she majored in art at Catholic University. She studied with Kenneth Noland, who was one of the founders of the Washington Color School inspired by Jackson Pollack and Helen Frankenthaler, artists who created large abstract color field works.
Betsy then studied at the Corcoran for more academic training. Her personal style evolved from these somewhat opposing approaches to art.
“Color is central to my work, and I suppose a kind of intuitive abstract rhythm connects me to my subject which is inspired by nature,” she said.
Along the way, she raised five children, taught children’s art in Fairfax County, and had a studio at the Torpedo Factory. She also owned a gallery for a number of years.
About 30 years ago, Betsy moved to Fredericksburg, and her art has become known and appreciated by all. She has had a studio at Libertytown Arts Workshop since it opened and has done course work with UMW and VCU. But that’s not all. Betsy has also enjoyed a number of art trips to Europe.
“All have been so enriching in art experience and lasting friendships,” she said.
MHAF has been lucky to enjoy donations from area artists. Interestingly, almost all have personal reasons for supporting our organizations. Art, Betsy said, has given her a lifetime of joy, and she has been happy to donate her paintings to MHAF to help raise funds and awareness.
“MHAF is such a wonderful and necessary organization,” she said. “Like most people, I have experienced my own major life crises, among them, the loss of loved ones, and witnessing the pain and chaos untreated addiction and mental illness can bring.”
Betsy captured the focus of our organization in this simple sentence: For a healthy society, mental health should be as accessible as physical health.
We are so grateful for her donations and for filling our homes with beautiful, colorful scenes of nature. For art collectors, a “Betsy Glassie,” is a must.